Unknown Expectations

A long whistle type of noise went straight into my ears and I suddenly woke up and found myself lying on the berth of the train. I saw the time, It was 2.30 AM, “Oh yes I am going to Landsdowne” I realized in the very next moment. Some hours before, I planned the solo journey of mine to this place, with lots of doubts and hesitations. I did not know why I am going to an unknown place alone, what I wanted to get out of this journey, I did not need any beautiful nature’s experience for sure. May be my longing was to either lose myself in the or find a mirror. This realization first terrified me and then gave some sense of achievement; I smiled, at least I started travelling alone.

At 6 AM, After disembarking from the train at Kortdwar, when I got the first glimpse of the place, I felt excited and satisfied on my decision of coming over here. But things were only getting started with some unknown expectations.


While lying under an old tree, I was able to listen to the chirp of the bird, ghush of the wind, soothing sound of leaves and grass, it was all nature, and it was beauty at its best. From early morning, I was roaming in the hilly forest and trying to cover as much area of the place in that limited time that I had. I was tired and my leg got swollen, so I was relaxing under the tree and adored the beauty and peace of the place. I did not realize when I zonked out.


I enjoyed climbing the hills alone even when I am acrophobic. I was aching for such type of adventure from longtime.


At the church, touching things and staring at all the portraits of the place, I realized that I never feel sacred at any religious place; even there all foul and evil ideas use to come in my mind. I felt like things around me were looking at me and I became conscious and started writing on my notepad. I was thinking about the incidents, which had taken place in my life in the last 24 hours, I was laughing at myself. I always thought of going somewhere alone, and I actually turned that leaf of my life, I was enjoying every bit of it until now.


I was exhausted till evening, but someone suggested me to see the sunset and for which I reached at the top of the hill which was 7 to 8 Km up from the guest house. I knew that it would be difficult for me to come back as I was alone without any vehicle and it will be dark just after sunset. I could lost in that hilly forest and there the real adventure might begin, but I think I am not that lucky sole, I got lift from some local boys who were drunk but dropped me safely.


Next day morning was calm and cold. I was very excited, in the hope of capturing something with the zing but nothing was there other than lethargy. That morning i found myself ensnared by laziness and sadness, may be it was reflection of my own current life, where I was surrounded by same evils.


I came back to Kortdwar, thinking about the demise of the journey but in adverse of my thinking, I found inspiring things over there. While roaming on the streets of Kortdwar, I met a “Chai waali cool Aunty” and grew fond of her enthusiasm of serving energy and freshness in form of tea to people. That Aunty made me meet a “Rowdy lady of Kotadwar”, who again lived her life on her own choice. She fought with some creeps for me and we roved on her scooty in the town. It was amazing the way both women guided a girl tourist. They left a lifelong impact on me.

Sometime I feel that I lost myself in my current life, I am not able to contact myself, not able to know myself in certain conditions. I thought going there in the beautiful hilly forest alone will help me reflect and find myself but no … it couldn’t work.  But I am happy to meet people who helped me in different ways, I am happy that I initiated travelling alone and now I am confident about it. And I will continue finding the lost thread and searching my unknown expectations..



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