My idea of love was very narrow before I joined the fellowship. Love could either from your parents especially mother’s love which is unconditional, love between siblings where we fight a lot but you know he or she has got your back and the third category which covers friends and teachers. Fortunately or unfortunately till date I did not have the privilege of having a boyfriend so romantic love has not happened yet. Since I did not fit into the category of a proper niece or a cousin did not experience much love from my extended family.
The fellowship brought me two the hinterlands of Bihar. I was out of the cocooned, sheltered and familiar surroundings of my city life. I always held my freedom very close to my heart. In my current existence my freedom was challenged. I l no longer had the freedom of mobility. I depend on my field staff for traveling in and around Madhubani, on the guest house care taker for ensuring the vegetables are brought in Thursday and Sunday (only days where local markets operate), on Asha Ma’m our admin and accounts head for every problem I faced till date. Anjani jee another colleague of mine who slipped into the unwritten job description of asking me if I need something every time he visited the nearby town.
At first I felt uncomfortable with this new found dependence but slowly I got into the grove. I got used to Asha ma’m pampering me with her home cooked lunch box, she ensured my favorite food suddenly started appearing in her lunch box, Satto bhaiya the hostel care taker travels an extra mile literary to get my favorite vegetable.
I also started to become emotionally dependent on three of my co fellows Shruti, Siddharth and Pallavi. I need to talk to Siddharth when I have a bad day at work, when there is a electricity problem ,when I want someone listening to my whining etc. Shruti and Pallavi are my daily dose of girly gossip, sharing youtube links for videos, discussing problems in the field and when things get serious we discuss of plans post fellowship. I also share a love hate relationship with Anupama.The hate part of the relationship is for her role as a coordinator and love part of the relationship is for her being my mentor. (I have a tendency to defy authority and dislike authority figure). I never felt indebted by this kind of love. I somehow felt worthy of their love and affection or it’s my ability to make myself feel worthy of everything good that happens in my life. Not to doubt, I love all of you and will try to everything in my capacity to be of help whenever situation demands.
On 10th May 2015 I experienced love in the most unexpected situation. I felt love from a stranger in a stranger land. The kind of love that defies all logic and gives the feeling of being indebted and questions everything you believed or were taught to believe. My next blog will be on that experience.