Hurt

What is hurt? Hurt is something that we avoid and we want to run away from. It isn’t a good feeling and yet every now and then we all are being prey to it. Sometimes we let ourselves be hurt by people, situations or times and sometimes these things deliberately hurt us, in both the cases the pain is ours and we are the ones left to deal with it.

We have always had these notions around us ‘no pain no gain’ and so on. But no schooling nor college or the most most amazing parents in the world prepare us to face hurt/pain. Everyone knows it is obvious, it is ‘normal’ and difficult to handle but no one, no one unless one day when you are aware  enough to ask for it and go to a spiritual guru/psychologist who could tell to how to decode it.

I am not saying that i have an answer, i really don’t. But having myself gone through a tough phase these last two months, where i really had to try hard for this feeling to not get better of me, i asked – why were we never taught this? Shouldn’t this be the first thing that every child should learn when he / she joins school? Because some day you will break a leg or a head, or you might have to visit a dentist or you might have a break up, you will have to lose a game or a dear one, you might be unhappy with the way your country is or other 100 things going wrong in your life. Pain and hurt are parallels to ones life and we all need help to know what that really means and how we can work around it in our own individual ways.

Personally i am still learning how to balance out these feelings. Sometimes i do good and sometimes i fail miserably. If it’s something small i tend to solve it and if it’s bigger than what i think i can handle i run away from it. What i have noticed like famously quoted in Fault in our Stars – Pain demands to be felt. So noticing it, registering it might help towards understanding it, which is easier said than done.

I am working on my idea of ‘how to deal with pain – effectively, let me know if you know any anecdotes to the same.

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5 thoughts on “Hurt

  1. Why were we not taught how to deal with it? Well, how would you teach that? Meditation? Self-hypnosis? Whatever method one chooses would be pretty ineffective until you know what you’re dealing with. As such, the only way to know how to deal with pain is first to feel it. Know thy enemy, as they say. Unless you’re both popular and an ace student, you’ll have enough opportunities while growing up to get a taste of it, even if not necessarily at its most extreme. So if you’ve had a hard time lately, then take comfort from the knowledge that you’re now going to be better able to deal with this pain going forward. As for any famous sayings on the nature of pain, I think I’ll just stick with an old and true one – “This too shall pass…”

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  2. Emotions/feelings…. very complicated subject to me :-). I will know myself more better when I pass through this complicated subject in the life :-).And you will have better and bitter experience which gives taste to your life and of course our life :-). So just accept and try to enjoy it.

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  3. Hi @Shankar
    What I meant about teaching about pain is, as children we are given pain as a punishment, but in reality pain is a part of life. So when we are young, we learn to avoid pain or run away from it, rather than facing it and dealing with it, accepting it in the first place. And as grown ups it does become difficult to change the internal system and be one with this idea.
    Even if one is popular and an ace student and rich too, but if the person has a root canal treatment to be done or if someone close to them passes away they have to deal with it. Rather it is more difficult for people who have it all on the surface because the laws of life don’t cater to their grace.
    I have seen people avoiding difficult conversations, not going to the dentist when they need it and delaying so many other things in their lives because they thought it would cause pain and so felt best to avoid rather than facing it.
    Pain is indeed a beautiful phenomena if just known how to handle.
    That is my perspective, yours can be different. Let me know what you think on this.
    Thanks for reading the article
    Means a lot!

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    • Seeking to avoid, lessen or otherwise ameliorate pain isn’t a bad thing. Pain is unpleasant. It evolved to warn us of danger and loss. Facing pain is only necessary when the cause of that pain needs to be dealt with, which is something one can learn to do even as a child. Exams, for instance, are unpleasant and yet need to be handled. So does failure in them as we then need to make up for the loss in future. On the other hand, I much prefer the fact that one can undergo a root canal nowadays under anesthesia as I see little point in purposefully experiencing that pain as it’s unnecessary. Not going to the dentist in the first place when you need to, however, is a problem of willpower which every necessary unpleasant experience contributes to building. The death of a loved one is another painful experience upon which it serves little to dwell. If plunging into work or not talking about them with people helps you perform better, then why not do that? It’s not harmful, after all. Forcing oneself to experience pain isn’t a virtue in itself – it’s an instrumental, not ultimate, goal. If doing something despite the pain is necessary, do it. If it isn’t, then don’t. If those people you’ve seen are avoiding difficult conversations, then ask yourself why and, more importantly, whether they actually need to have those conversations. If the answer is yes, then there’s a very logical reason you can give them to force them to have it. If it’s no, ditto i.e. don’t trouble them.

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      • Here I would say that I agree to disagree. May be I wasn’t clear enough in my writing, to give you an idea that I am celebrating pain or am proposing people to enjoy pain, of which i should clarify ‘I am absolutely not proposing any such thing.”. But I understand if we both look at it differently. For me pain is an experience that teaches me things in life, yes it isn’t a goal to drive at but certainly something to learn from. And the acceptance of it can be taught through various ways.
        A good way to understand, where I am coming from or even otherwise for general reading is to go through the chapter of ‘Pain’ in The Road Less Travelled by M.Scott Peck. It talk beautifully about how to deal with pain.
        However, it was absolutely interesting to have heard your views on the subject and thank you for taking time to comment.

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