Cluelessly Lost

I am not sure what to write. I honestly am not. I don’t even know what I should be feeling exactly. The last 4 months of this fellowship have made ‘change is the only constant’ proverb a solid truth in my life. I have been just lugging my ever growing luggage from one place to another. This is my second flat where I am living now, and the stay-betweens were filled in homes of relatives and acquaintances. Not even 4 days have passed since I have shifted here, I hear that I might have to leave again in March.

Things like water, food and bedding also have become serious issues for me. Everything is money, and money is everything. And at work you are nothing, if you don’t kill yourself for work. I am sure my co-fellows are going through serious problems at various places, but I can’t help cribbing about this ever changing physical, emotionally and extra expensive atmosphere that I am surrounded with.

The world doesn’t give a pence thinking if you are alive or dead. I am glad I have home to think of, people who love, even when I have been nothing but whining all these four months. What happens to those children who don’t have supporting parents, or parents at all? The little achievements at work are there, but they are really nursery level. And being treated like a junior always with no say at all, is not much of a help either. I don’t see meaning in it.

Sorry to write a frustrating blog. But that is what it is. Prashanti told me see the ‘brighter pages’ of this journey, my mum say’s I need to relax, but I am really clueless how. Or is this life?


5 thoughts on “Cluelessly Lost

  1. Summary of our conversation today … i think being treated as a junior also comes with a few hidden perks. Hope the conversation helps you :-). See you soon!


  2. David Foster Wallace has some thoughts about what life is. There’s some nice vids on Youtube that put in images to his words. I’m not sure if you’ll like the answer, though. Anyway, the woods are lonely, dark and deep….Krishna would say it matters not where you end up in them, only that you choose to enter them. Me? I’m not too sure about that, but I do agree with him that that choice is a heroic one and ought to celebrated as such. Keep fighting – for as long as you feel that choice is important.

    Liked by 1 person

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