Some moments I would feel alone, not lonely, alone. It took me a long time to be able to differentiate between the two. Once I understood that then no situation could any longer drive me to conform. I would not give in just because I was left out. I am referring to my life before the fellowship here. I can only feel glad that I was that individualistic then as because of it I have been able to finally delve in some thing I have always wanted to, and in the process have experienced the lowest and the highest of emotions in the past eight months. It feels like forever though.
Contrary to what I was, in the work with my organization I have had to be more a collectivist. I have always craved for collectivism; mostly the people standing up together aspect of it. With the lack of people around me who could be concerned about other people, I never had the cause, the opportunity and the courage before. I have had all of that here. But the concept is as difficult to implement as it is romantic. Difficult, not impossible. It has seen us through, as an organization, many a times.
But a couple of times situations have arisen in the past few months where I have seen the individual concerns of some of the people that I work with being over looked. Those times I could not help but question the worth of the collective action which followed the overlooking. How could it be even called a collective action if not all the components were in action in the same direction? Is it not required to wait for them and realign, whoever is meant to, accordingly? What happens when there is dissension?
Both ways, individualism and collectivism (the way I have defined them above), have given me some thing to cherish. But on the other hand I see clashes too. Clashes of perspectives, and hence, of the ways.
I think that I should heed to the individualism in the people more. But I certainly wonder what is practically and concernedly appropriate. Till I find out I think I should remain an individualistic collectivist.